Why is the bride smiling on her wedding day? Because she’s given her last blowjob…
Reprinted with permission from Un-Guarded.com
While that’s meant to be funny, the sad reality is that fucking punchline is sometimes a reality for people. Let me be really clear that I do not endorse, condone, or condemn anyone’s sexual practices or preferences. If what you’re doing works for you, Bravo! Keep doing it and tell me about it if you feel so inclined. This is not supposed to make anybody feel triggered, diminished, or marginalized in any way whatsoever. It’s simply my experience and something I thought I would share with our dear readers, no matter what turns you on…
Before I got married many years ago, it was a genuine concern of mine that my life would settle into some boring, mundane ”sex every other Saturday night” kind of lifestyle that, frankly, pissed me off and made me want to be alone. It was not what I wanted in my relationship, and certainly not from the person I chose to be my partner. I remember sitting in a therapist’s office with my soon-to-be spouse and discussing that very thing – that I didn’t want a boring life or something that would make me regret getting married. It took years of exploration and years of unambiguous and candid communication for us to move to a place where we had a vibrant and fulfilling sex life. We both were willing to communicate, compromise, and listen to what the other person wanted and didn’t want to move to a place of love, tolerance, and understanding where we both felt like our needs were getting met both for sexual intimacy as well as emotional intimacy. I believe those two things go hand in hand in a long-term relationship; you can’t have one without the other. Let me restate that: I think you can have one without the other, but that was definitely not what I wanted in my life.
I was talking with a friend last night about the pleasures of life, and he used the term “Epicurean,” which I absolutely loved. The definition is – “fond of or adapted to luxury or indulgence in sensual pleasures.” He’d also used the term hedonist in the past tense, inferring that he had been much more of a hedonist in his past, but now that he had moved to a sense of epicureanism in his life, which really resonated with me. I like the idea of simple yet profound pleasures found in the day-to-day lives that we lead. Whether it’s food, sex, friendship, or even where we live, how do we find The Simple Pleasures today and fully embrace them rather than chase the unrealistic or unattainable?
As some of you may have read in previous posts, I had a life-changing event where my wife decided that she no longer wanted to be together, after 20 years,just about four years ago, and so that changed everything for me. I spent two years alone working on myself in a 12-step program, intensive therapy, and other modalities to work to be a better human being in my life and my next relationship.
I find myself in a beautiful new relationship with a person who is moving out of a 14-year marriage that was rather unsatisfying for them on a myriad of levels. It’s been an exciting journey to communicate and develop something new with someone who has a barometer of measurement in the relationship that is different than mine. It’s difficult to hear what went wrong, sometimes. Frankly, they had decided to eliminate physical intimacy in their relationship about seven years ago because it simply didn’t work for them. I can’t imagine being in a relationship for that long and not feeling any sort of connection with my partner in that way. Now, don’t get me wrong, they were parents and did a great job raising their son, but the other parts of the relationship didn’t work.
My relationship with this person has been eye-opening, to say the least. They’ve been wanting to experiment and experience new and different things in their life, and I’ve simply been a conduit or a vessel, so to speak, for new and different experiences. They lived a life of fulfillment somewhat before their marriage, but certainly, finding themselves in something new and different in middle age has been a beautiful thing to watch. For me, it is great to see them grow, expand and challenge boundaries, and really engage in that epicurean concept of enjoying life in all its beauty.
Honestly, to have them challenge their fragile and preconceived notions of sexuality has forced me to look at where my comfort level is and expound upon that in my own ways. There isn’t a day that goes past that we don’t communicate about something that challenges my preconceived notions of where I thought I was comfortable and what I thought I wanted. I’ve simply moved to this place of saying yes to pretty much anything that they bring to the table and opening myself up to opportunities.
While I wouldn’t consider myself a “hedonist,” I would consider myself more of the exploratory type. I believe life is meant to be fulfilling, and trying new and different things seems to be the key to having such a fulfilled life. I think it’s simply about asking different questions and looking for new answers each and every day, and how that looks to each individual reading, this is going to be profoundly different. all I ask is that you go out today and ask yourself one important question – “What can I do today to make myself happy?”
I really think that one of the keys to living a truly fulfilled life is saying “fuck it” every so often… Saying yes to opportunities and adventures, no matter where and how they present themselves. Here at Unguarded, we’re all about challenging the norm and upending the status quo, whether in your living situation, your job, your relationship, or whatever else you have in your life.
Personally, it took me a few years and a lot of hard questions to determine that I simply wanted something different in my life today and ask – “What is it that I want in my life today, and what am I willing to do to get it?
Let me be damn clear: this isn’t an article about sex and deviancy; it’s about looking for the fulfilling moments in each day and doing more of what makes us happy. I’ve always been a fan of trying new restaurants, going to concerts, listening to music recommended by my friends, watching movies that might not usually be on my radar, or whatever it may be to shake things up. On the flip side of that, I’m also someone who loves consistency and routine in my life, so I would consider myself a living dichotomy, and extroverted introvert, if you will. There’s nothing wrong with either; as long as you live the life you want and don’t hurt anyone else, you’ve got my support and encouragement, always…
“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.”
― Oscar Wilde
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